Be yourself, everyone else is already taken. – Oscar Wilde”
According to the hierarchy of needs by Abraham Maslow, American professor of psychology, three of the five human needs are to belong (#3),increase esteem (#2) and achieve self-actualization (#1).
Belonging is the need of having good relationship with friends, family, work, school, community, organization, etc. On the other hand, esteem is the need of gaining respect and confidence from other people. But the highest form of need is self-actualization, which means the ability to be creative, solve problem or realizing one’s full potential.
Attaining one’s full potential is the hardest to do, I guess that’s why it’s on the top of the hierarchy. Most of us hide our true self, wants and potential, in order to belong or save our honor and prestige. As we continue to seek belonging and acceptance, by hiding our true personality, the emptier and unhappy we become with our lives. Our unhappiness often roots from our inability to live as we really are and as we really want to.
Be a first-rate version of yourself
In order to be happy with yourself, to achieve your full potential (self-actualization) in anything you do, and eventually be happier with your life, keep this mind:
“Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else. – Judy Garland”
To better explain this point, I’d like to share this story I’ve read from the handbook of the Dale Carnegie Course.
Be yourself. Act on the sage advice that Irving Berlin gave to the late George Gershwin. When Berlin and Gershwin first met, Berlin was famous – but Gershwin was a struggling young composer working thirty- five dollars a week in Tin Pan Alley. Berlin, impressed by Gershwin’s ability, offered Gershwin a job as his musical secretary at almost three times the salary he was then getting. “But don’t take the job,” Berlin advised, “If you do, you may develop into a second-rate Berlin. But if you insist on being yourself, someday you’ll become a first-rate Gershwin.” Gershwin heeded that warning and slowly transformed himself into one of the significant American composer of his generation.
The point of this story is to be yourself. Don’t imitate others. Don’t live in terms of other people’s opinion. It’s not your concern what other people think about you, it’s their concerns. Focus on being yourself, who you are and who you want to become.
By being yourself, it brings more happiness in your life
If you’ve been feeling depressed and unhappy with yourself and your life, reflect on how you have been living your life.
• Do you hide your real wants and true self in order to please other people?
• Have you been living your life trying to become the person you are not?
If your answer is yes, I guess by now you understand why you’ve been unhappy with yourself and your life. Your choice to live in terms of other people, and not yourself, is what causing your dissatisfaction and frustration.
Remember that the first step in being happy with yourself, and eventually your life, is to discover who you really are and be yourself. Unless you are able to do this, it will be hard for you to attain your fullest potential and happiness in life.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Dr. Seuss”
In one personal development seminar I’ve attended, our trainer asked us one by one, to define and differentiatesuccess and happiness.
If I were to ask you the same question,
What will you answer?
Note: Take a couple of minutes to reflect and answer. And then once your ready with an answer, go back to this post.
People have different definition of success and happiness. However, most likely your answers belongs in these four (4) categories:
1. Happiness = Success
2. Happiness Success
4. Happiness + Success
HAPPINESS = SUCCESS
Personally, upon hearing such question, I wondered if it isn’t the same.
If you were like me, you’d gauge success to mean like happiness, and happiness to mean like success. For how can you differentiate the two when they go hand in hand?
Oftentimes, we define happiness as being successful, wherein the way to be happy is upon reaching the success of whatever goal or endeavor we take in life. We delay happiness and perceive it as an end result of achieving our goals.
However, unlike fairy tales and novels, where happiness is in the end of the story, real happiness does not come at the end of our story or life. Happiness knocks in our door everyday. But it seems most of us ignore it because we are locked with the thought that happiness is in the end of our journey, only after we achieve all the goals that we want, acquire the wealth that we aspire or found the perfect love we’ve always dream of. Unless we acquire all those ideals that we want to have, we find happiness as a dream that will come in the future.
But later on in my journey to life, I’ve learned that,
Happiness is not an end but a journey.
People who values happiness over success are those who lives in simplicity or often called mediocre or average.
They care less about success and achieving their goals for they value contentment of what they have now. They dream less and get a lot of happiness in simple things.
If we are living in a perfect and easy world, I would love to belong in this group because of the contentment and simplicity of life they lived in. However, in an imperfect world full of chaos and crisis just like ours, living in a complete contentment without goal results to a big mess and hardship.
Oftentimes, those who stop seeking for success and lives in mediocre ends up being manipulated, used or slaved by other people.
Gratitude is a great attribute anybody can have, however, too much can lead you to an aimless life. A life that just passes by that leaves out no mark and contribution.
HAPPINESS + SUCCESS
After every one of us has answered the trainer’s question, he gave his answer.
Success is having what you want. Happiness is having contentment in what you have.
Upon hearing the answer, I thought to myself, “Being successful and happy is not a bad idea.” But how can you have both?
Like a light bulb in the head, the answer struck me a few minutes later.
The best way to live life is by setting your goals for the future without neglecting to live now and having the grateful attitude for all the blessings you have in your life at the moment.
I will be food for your soul, Nourishment for your body.
I will believe in you.
I will never leave you.
I will please you.
I will be your foundation.
My WORLD is twisted around u.
I’m gonna visualize you.
I will be the beat in your heart.
I will dream of you when you are away.
I will be your light in obscurity.
I will be the woman whose presence you feel even when I’m away.
My Breath on any part of your body; from your forehead to your neck, from your shoulder to your elbow will make you shiver.
I am your blessing.
Even my lightest touch will send chills from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet.
The thought of me will move you.
I will be the bosom of rest when you are weary.
I AM what you want. I AM what you need.
My smile will give you hope. My hugs will be the source of your strength.
I will be unselfish, protective and encouraging.
I will be your friend, lover, partner
I will LOVE and care for you as you would me.
I AM your GOD sent Angel
I will share the responsibilities of making our house into a home.
Simply Put, I WILL!
GOD put me here for you. What will you do with me?
How the flowers blooms
The rivers flows
The birds singing, even at the heavy rains pouring
For they know loving for the 2nd time
Is more sweeter as it could be
The love that was kept deep inside
Will be given a chance
To shine like the sun in the dessert
And the moonlight gazing the clouds at night…